Keywords: Crime, Erotica

Title: Because She Thought She Loved Me

Author/Artist: Maxim Jakubowski

Publisher: The Do Not Press

Media: Book

Reviewer: Pan

Maxim J. has perfected the art of networking to a degree us mere mortals can never hope to emulate. As editor, publisher, anthologist, book shop owner, columnist, reviewer and author, he's got all bases covered. And, despite the fact that his writing's never been top-rank, he's very much a central figure in the crime writing establishment of this country. Given that he's 'the king of the erotic crime thriller' according to CrimeTime magazine, (hey, doesn't his bookshop advertise big time in CrimeTime...), his latest, Because She Thought She Loved Me, ought to be something to look forward to.

Unfortunately this reads like a long list of crime fiction clichés seasoned with a sprinkling of erotica-by-numbers sex scenes to pad it out. Take your pick of card-board cut out characters straight out of a 'how to write hard boiled crime fiction' manual. There's the stripper with the PhD., the serious book collecting habit and the tendency to orgasm spontaneously when asked to murder someone (OK, we've all had phone calls that have excited us but come on...). Or the married woman whose sexuality, once awakened, leads inevitably to desire, death and destruction. Or the tragic male lead whose flawed desire means that his obsession with the latter femme fatale means he winds up collecting bullets in the chest.

Aside from the cliched characters there's an unconvincing story, which would be forgivable if it were not for the pretensions behind every sentence in the book. Every action is imbued with a significance which is sadly lacking, every scene attempts a gritty realism which reminds the reader that there's nothing realistic going on here.

The book moves ponderously from A to B, with no detours. And if you think I'm being overly harsh, here's a taster of some of the 'breathless' prose that convinces me once and for all that this book's not worth seeking out except for its comedy value (and believe me, the last scene had me rolling on the floor).

'Her taste was electric as her hot breath moved inside me like a strong peppermint-flavoured Gulf Stream of unchecked desire and reached every extremity of my body with its velvet caress.'

The Do-Not Press are publishing some interesting books, but this isn't one of them.